Planning the Term 1 Week

I have just started to put together a picture of what of the average Term 1 week is going to look like. I often spend time wondering about what is the right number of after school activities for the kids. Education Consultant Kathy Walker suggests one or two for children aged between 4 - 8 years.

This issue is not quite as simple as a number for one child, because the extra activities impact on all the other children in the family. We are a one car family and dad is usually not home in time to do the escorting to and from activities, so the younger children have to literally come along for the ride. This means in reality Babaganouski attends about 7 non school/preschool related activities. Two of these are specifically for him, as we attend a playgroup and Leaping Lizards session weekly.

When planning the week for the kids, I need to take this into account. Is there ways that I can share the drop off/pick up arrangements? Is this activity one where I can drop them safely and return later to pick them up? Can more that one of my children participate in the activity at the same time? All of these considerations help to juggle the scheduling and reduce the run around for the family as a whole.

Once the after school activites have been sscheduled, I then try to have an over arching approach as to how I plan the school hours for the non school children. I have found it incredibly valuable to have at least one day a week during these hours, which we have as a stay home quiet day. I find it valuable for a number of reasons:

• The little ones can have a more restful day.
• It gives me time to catch up on things around the house.
• I can focus some time on what the children would like to do in an unstructured environnment.
• The little ones can enjoy, not being put in and out of the car, and run to a freer time frame.
  

It looks like our stay home day will be Monday for Term 1. I will avoid in most instances from booking any appointments, play dates, shopping expeditions on this day. Knowing our home day is "Monday" in advance, helps me to prevent the overscheduling that can sometime arise when I accept invitations, plan activities etc, and then all of sudden realise that we have multiple weeks with no free days.

Do you plan a day at home?

Planning time for Mum.

"Back to school" is almost here and it has started me thinking about how the pace of our leisurely "school holiday" days will change very soon. Once the school term starts there are many activities to fit in across the week for the kids, meetings to attend and general household up keep. It does become quite a juggling act and where does time for mum come in this equation?

BURNT CHOP
Back in my early corporate days I attended a Springboard workshop for women. This would be at least 12 years ago now, and there is only vague memories of the workshop, with the exception of an analogy that the trainer made. She said that mothers tended to always give themselves the "burnt chop'. That is , the mother would put everyone elses needs above hers and have what was left. Although the thought of having children was nowhere in my head at this stage, the statement resonated with me, because this was exactly what my lovely mother did and the majority of my friends' mothers as well.

I have to admit that there have been (too many) instances where I have forgone things that I would have liked to have done, in order that we fitted everything else in for the family. But since I have implemented my simple planning approach across most of our family life, I have found that this happens much less often.

This may come across as if I am being a little bit self centred, but in reality looking after myself is beneficial to the family. I find that the mood of the house tends to revolve around my mood. If I am tired, snitchy or lacking in energy, the kids will often feed off this and there is more bickering amongst them; if I ask them to do something there is more resistance; and they can find it difficult to amuse themselves. Making the time to look after myself can prevent these scenarios.

WHY TIME FOR MUM IS SO IMPORTANT
It is to the benefit of my family that I have time for me. For example, my 3 sessions at the gym a week. I don't have set days that I go to, but the family all works towards me getting to the gym 3 times a week.

There are direct benefits for me in this being achieved and an indirect benefits to the family in the following ways:

It makes me less cranky.
I can be very grumpy when I leave the house, but after the endorphins kick in on the treadmill, I begin to feel much happier and bring this mood home with me.
I sleep better.
Very similar to above, the better I sleep, the less tired and cranky I am.
Gives me more energy
Running around with the 4 kids can get pretty tiring, I find regular exercise gives me stamina.
I have some time to just have my own thoughts.
I put on my MP3 player and I don't have to answer any questions or worry about the needs of others for that hour!

Basically when I go to the gym, I come back refreshed and happier to spend time with everyone. Going to the gym is not the only way I can do this. Socialising and adult activities have a similar effect on my mood. I make sure that I schedule time for these activities and although it may only be once a quarter, when combined they give my life the variety I need to stay healthy, happy and sane. These are the most important ones that I make sure I plan for:

For dearest and I to go out together.
It is lovely to just have some time for us where we can connect together outside the home.
See my friends without the children around.
Two of dearest friends in Melbourne also have children and we catch up regularly during the day and the 9 kids love to play together. But we don't have many uninterrupted conversations, so we make sure that every few months, we have a night together where we can talk uninterrupted. (This is also the case with my lovely 3 sisters and other groups of friends.)
Non child related activity.
I love my children dearly, but I do not want to be one dimensional, having a non child related activity (in my case politics) makes my brain to think in different ways and I can become exposed to new thoughts and ideas.

Like most things in life, this is a work in progress and sometimes I plan well and get the balance right. Sometimes the unplanned rears its head and things get out of kilter. But by valuing these activities enough to schedule them, I have a much greater chance of looking after me and therefore taking better care of my family.

10 things to do before the school holidays end

With only a little over a week left for those of us on Victorian school holidays, I wrote myself a list of things that I need to do before the kids start back at school. This is not a list about all the exciting activities I must do with the kids before the holidays are over, but some pretty mundane tasks that should hopefully allow for a smoother start to the school term:

(1). Check all uniforms for sizing and do some stain removal.
By the end of term 4 last year, we were so busy that the uniforms were just washed, ironed and put away. I know that there are stains on some of the shirts that will come out with a good soaking or scrub.

(2). Check shoes for sizing and polish them.
It is amazing how much feet can grow in six weeks! This goes for socks as well - also checking that they are all paired up correctly and that there are enough.

(3). Check that we have all the required stationery.
We order most things through the school supplier, but we had to get a couple of extra items (see shopping expedition last week). The All for Women website has compiled a great list of stores back to school specials and references for lunch box ideas.

(4). Check all lunch boxes and drink bottles are accounted for and in working order.

(5). Ease our way back into our standard bed times and morning routines.
I love the freedom and flexibility that school holidays allows with later nights and then later mornings. However these are not particular helpful in getting us all out the door happily and on time for school.

(6).Label all books, pencils etc.
This is something I like the school boys to do themselves. I can have them with me in the study while I am on the laptop, and they can work away at this task and I can assist were necessary.

(7). Make play dough.
Our school requires each child to take a container of play dough to school which is used for rainy days. I prefer to make it myself for two reasons, firstly it is cheaper and secondly the kids like to help and we make a new batch for home. I use the recipe on the packet from McKenzies cream of tartar which can be found on their website in the cooking tips section.

(8). Paper work.
I have personal detail forms for Possum’s kinder; comments sheet to complete from the boys’ end of year reports and some registration papers for a toddler program for Babaganouski.

(9). Restock the grocery and baking cupboards.
We tend to have different morning and afternoon tea snacks, than what the children would necessarily take as snacks in their lunch boxes. I also tend to bake more during school terms, so I need to make sure I have all the essential ingredients on hand.

(10). Spend a day just hanging with the kids.
I like to have a whole day where I follow the lead of the kids, don’t look at the clock, don’t go on the computer and don’t answer the phone (until they are in bed!). It is a nice way to end the holidays.

Any other suggestions for preparing for the return to school?

Mother on a mission.

When I woke up this yesterday morning I was a mother with a mission. I needed new bras and I was going to get them that very day! This however meant that I would have to take all four children with me. My kids are actually pretty ok to take shopping, but getting fitted for bras was probably going to push their patience to their limits.

With this in mind I strategically moved through the following plan with the kids:

(1). Set up the expectations.
When we sat down and ate breakfast, I explained to the kids that we were going to go shopping today. We needed to go bra shopping for me and we would purchase the extra items (like pencil cases) that the older boys needed for school, once my purchases had been made. I also explained that once this was completed, we would go home via the bread shop to get some bread and that they could choose a roll each for lunch.

(2). Go in the morning.
I have taken the kids shopping in the afternoon before but find that this is usually less successful than the morning for two reasons; firstly we are all a little tireder at that time of day and secondly, the shops tend to be busier.

(3). Fed, Watered and Toileted .
We have early risers in our house, so for the younger children breakfast was at 6.45am. I made sure all four had morning tea and a drink before we left. Then as a last task before leaving, I made sure that we all (including mum) went to the toilet.

(4). Stick to the task.
After a longer than expected session in the fitting room, we moved through the women’s fashion department and a pair of bathers caught my eye. I started to walk over to have a look (because I also need a new pair of these as well), but stopped myself pretty quickly. I had already asked quite a bit of the kids. I achieved my goal for the day, and I needed to stick to the stated expectations and move on. There have been times when I have not done this and it has generally not worked out well!

(5). Don’t rush their purchases.
For the 6 year old choosing the right pencil case is probably as important to him as my bras were to me. The fact that I think it is doesn’t matter whether he gets the one with the green background or the yellow background is irrelevant. I need to be interested and let him have his time, so he can be happy with his purchase. We all regret those purchases made in haste!

The expedition actually went really well. There was one moment at about 11.00am though when I found myself in a fitting room with four children and a pram waiting and waiting and waiting, for someone to help properly fit me, that I did ask “Why did I do this to myself?” But that was short lived and we all came home from the experience unharmed and still in good spirits. I just need to squeeze in some time to go back and check out those bathers!

Packing them off!

I hesitated before I actually put this photo with the post, because although it gives a great image of what we do to help the children learn to pack for themselves, it also outs me as having no artistic ability at all.

I am lucky enough to have a sister (known to her other sisters as the general) who offered to take all 4 of our gorgeous children and have them stay overnight at her house on Saturday. The kids were very excited about this and were eager to get packing when Saturday morning arrived. Before the children get started, I like to get them to sit down with me and do a bit of planning first. I get them to tell me what they should take and I write these down on a list. As we have 2 who can read and 2 who can't, I add some of my own artwork as an attempt to symbolise these items. (At least the children can interpret them!)

The older 3 children then grab a backpack and start to choose what they want to take. It takes me a great level of self control, from not interrupting their packing by saying “don’t take those old shorts; take the new ones that I like much better”. But I have set them this task and I need to empower them to complete it on their own.

I used to then ruffle through the back packs and make sure they have packed everything that is on the list. I have stopped doing this though as I found it defeated the purpose of having them being responsible for packing their own bags. Why do they need to check themselves if they have everything, if mum just comes and does that at the end anyway?

This does carry with it and element of risk, and this time as I wandered past the bathroom this morning, I saw that the oldest two still had their toothbrushes sitting in the holder. But I am pretty sure that these are all that they have forgotten. By giving them the responsibility for packing their own bags, if something is forgotten they learn by consequence and will be reminded to be a bit more careful next time. They cannot simply say “why didn’t you pack toothbrush?” to mum or dad.

Of course I do not expect our youngest to pack his bag yet, but I do get him to help me do his. This often means that when, he is not looking I have to take out two thirds of what he has brought to me and it is way too much stuff for an overnight stay!

Planning the Holidays and Getting Bored

At the start of the school holidays we discussed in our family meeting what activities the children would like to do. The three older children came up with 2-3 things that they would like to do. There was some duplication but together we worked out a top 5 of desired activities for the 07/08 summer holidays. Now that the mad Christmas/New Year rush has finished I am starting to plan out the activities across the remaining weeks so that we have a relatively even level of stay at home / getting out and about ratio. (Once I have finished our holiday activity plan I will post details of some of the activities that I think might interest other families with children in the under 10 age group in Melbourne.)

One thing I have realised with children is that it is so easy to get caught in the run around trap. Whilst trying to fit everything in that we think as parents they need (and looking around at what other children are doing), we can actually end up overstimulating and exhausting our children. We can then also set up expectations that they must be entertained and occupied all the time. Children need time to rest, potter and investigate in their own environment. They also need to get BORED. It is only when they get bored will they seek out new interests, design new games of their own and maybe even participate in the household activities that mum and dad are doing.

Often when both parents attention is focused on something else, it is then that children decide that they "don't have anything to do". This happened to us recently when we were working in the back yard. We were tackling the unpleasant job of weeding the garden. After explaining to our dear son (DS) that he was welcome to help us, he grumped and went and sat in another area of the yard. It wasn't long however before he asked could he have the fork that I was using and have a go. He then went on to finish the area that I had been working on, and he had an immense look of satisfaction on his face when he showed me his clean patch. I acknowledged how hard he had worked and then showed him how I then had started another area myself, so we were able to get much more done with his help. The eldest DS then decided he would like to help as well and the four of us then spent another half an hour together talking as we worked in the garden.

Allowing the children to have some time where they "don't have anything to do" can lead to really positive results. (Although children who have no parental attention and who are never occupied will most likely find negative ways to expend their energy.) We need not continually fill this vacuum with trips to play centres, parental led activities, watching TV or playing video games. Children need time to be restful and time to think for themselves about how they can occupy their time.